Thursday, June 21, 2012

Newsflash, Jeff and I don't think alike!

I am re-posting this from last year, in honor of Jeff on fathers day. God knew even before Ryan was born that he would need  a unique father. One who was creative, could problem solve and come up with unique solutions. A father who at times, would be able to set aside emotion to be able to make hard decisions. I know God gifted and created  Jeff in such a way. He created Jeff to be the perfect father for such a difficult situation,  not only Ryan but for all four of our boys. I know I don't say it near enough but Thank you Jeff for everything you do, everyday for us!

The following is a re-post from last Fathers day;
 News Flash!! My husband and I don't think alike! I know that is a shocking revelation! We have been married for 28 yrs and I still am figuring this out.
This was once again brought to my attention when a few days ago the question on my morning radio station was  " What is love and how do you see people living out love for those around them".  That got me thinking about those in my life,  my husband came to my mind.
Over the past 10 years, since Ryan was diagnosed with Duchennes , Jeff and I rarely talk about the disease and what it means. It is the ever present "elephant" in the room. We know it is there but it is hard to talk with someone who is as close to the situation as you are. Yet I would try to get him to open up,  of course without success. I would become frustrated and angry assuming he just didn't care. I thought he was just ignoring it, baring his head in the sand. Well God recently opened my eyes to see Jeff  in a different way. While I deal with the tears and most of the everyday care taking of Ryan, God brought to my mind a few unique ways in which my husband is showing his love for our son;

-Flew to California to drive back an affordable wheelchair accessible van that he found online.
-Completely gutted and remodeled our basement to put in a wheelchair accessible bathroom.
-Built Ryan a wheelchair friendly garden box.
-When Ryan had spinal fusion surgery, Jeff sat beside him  day and night , very rarely leaving the room.
- Made little blocks that we can take with us to restaurants to put under the table legs to make the table high enough so Ryan's wheelchair can fit under it.
-Welded together and made a type of homemade lift so that Ryan could get in and out of our backyard pool.
- Spent hours, days pouring over deck books, writing up plans and re-writing plans for a  new wheelchair ramp/deck to build so Ryan can once again come upstairs, something he hasn't been able to do in over a year.

These are just a few of the things he has done that I just took for granted and as I said recently God showed me THIS is how my husband deals with the disease. He is a fixer and while he can't fix Ryan , take away or stop the progression of the disease, this IS something he CAN do. It is HIS way of showing love to Ryan. Different from mine, as I said we don't think alike,  and that's okay!

jeff building a flower box for ryan
Taking apart the old deck


  1. Ohhhhh Donna - what a beautiful story! You are BOTH so wonderful. Ryan has been blessed with two of the best parents he could ever ask for! (And now, I'm crying...sweet tears...grateful that God loves us so!)

  2. wow, powerful words and you are so right, men deal with emotions differently than we do...woman want to talk it out hash it over and beat it again--maybe we need to pick up a hammer and swing it once in a while too -- love your sista Carol

  3. Terrific insight, Donna! As I heard Dobson explain once, if we were the same, one of us would be unnecessary! You are both so very necessary to the BODY of Christ, and without question, and to Ryan's thriving! Blessings!

  4. donna you made me cry. Thank you for posting that and sharing that. You have a very special husband. He is a good man . Thank you for giving us a look into his perspective and what you have learned.