Las Vegas trip 2019. Happy 22nd Birthday Ryan.

It all started about a month ago, Ryan says, mom it would be fun to see Penn and Teller do their show. That was all I needed to hear. I started checking to see where they performed and found out they were at the Rio hotel in Las Vegas. I mentioned it to Jeff and he said “let’s make it happen!”

You must understand, Ryan NEVER wants to do anything, especially when it involves being around crowds and unfamiliar surroundings. So to say we jumped at this chance to get him out of the house is an understatement!  We quickly started working out the details, we weren’t going to give him a chance to change his mind!

First thing was to make sure we could get tickets, then started planning our trip. Jeff had to be in Sacramento for work, so we drove our R.V to California, spent a few days there, then off to Vegas!  

Here is a little summary of the things we were able to do;

Walked through Caesars Palace, and down a little of the Vegas Strip. 

Ate at Gordon Ramsey’s pub where we had the best hamburger, Beef Wellington and sticky toffee pudding ever!

We ate the best steaks at the Voodoo Steak House on the 50th floor of the Rio Hotel. We enjoyed the food and the view was awesome. 

We saw 2 shows, CrissAngel Mindfreak  and of course Penn and Teller.  Both were illusionist/magicians and about as opposite as you can get. One flashy and loud, the other laid back and relaxed, but both were very good. After Penn and Tellers performance, Ryan was able to meet them and get a picture.   

 

We went to the top of the Stratosphere Tower. The tallest freestanding observation tower in the United States at 1,149 ft. I was surprised when Ryan asked to do this, since he does not like heights.  The view was amazing. There was a rare lightening storm in the area, this was the perfect spot to watch the storm move through.

 Ryan played the slots, lost $20.00 and decided gambling was not his thing.

 Drove over the Hoover Dam.

 Spent the day at Zion National Park in Utah. A must see! 

All in all it was a great trip. Ryan enjoyed it and he saw a whole new world!  Walking through the Casino after the shows was an experience!  When we got back to our R.V. he said, “should I just assume all those people were drunk or just crazy?” I said, “well probably a little of both.”

I am so glad we were able to do this for Ryan.  We saw him willingly step outside of his comfort zone like never before. My favorite part of the whole trip was watching that take place!  I am hoping this experience will help Ryan be more open about getting outside his little world. 

A side note; When the CrissAngel show ended we stayed in the auditorium for a few minutes waiting for the crowds to go through. After it cleared out, a security guard helped us find our way to the elevator that would take us to the lobby. Once we exited the elevator we were meet by a very tiny, little short women. She said her boss, the head security guard, told her we needed an escort to get through the crowded lobby. She proceeded to hold her arms out-stretch , walking in front of us to clear a path for Ryan to get through the crowd.  We all got a kick out of that! She didn’t let anyone get in our way!  

Battle against Isolation

While unloading Ryan from the van at a store, it is not unusual for someone to ask about our accessible van. The questions are always the same. How much did it cost, where did we get it and did insurance pay for it? Next they proceed to tell me about the person in their life who needs one. I don't mind answering the questions about the van and I always try to ask a few questions about the person they care for. After a few minutes, we say our good-byes. As I walk away, I often find myself fighting the tears. These are usually older men who are now finding themselves as care-givers for their wives.

It’s not their story that brings me to tears, it’s what they aren’t saying. I see it on their face and hear it in their voice. I feel the loneliness. I sense their fatigue and often identify with their struggle and how life has changed and will continue to change for them. It is my hope and prayer that in those few minutes of conversation they see that someone else does get it, understands and cares.

I really do understand, because I know that lurking behind all of these feelings is Isolation! Feelings of isolation and are all too familiar. Even with the ability to get out with Ryan it isn’t easy. While I may be a social person by nature, Ryan is not. It is hard for him to want to leave the house. Home for him is his “safe place.” As a result, we spend many long days at home, just the two of us.

I do have a few people in my life that understand. They offer to come over for a cup of coffee or call to chat on the phone. Even so, there are many days when there is too much time to fill. I know it is hard to believe, especially these days when everyone is crazy busy, but there is such a thing as having too much time on your hands.

Days and times such as these can often lead to depression. And, it does take a lot of effort for me not to fall into the pit of depression. I often have this discussion with Ryan. It is not good for either one of us to spend too many days of the week isolating ourselves. I have to be intentional about getting us out of the house. It is so easy to give in, order grocery delivery and binge watch Netflix. But I know, for both of our mental health, we need to get out and be around people even if it’s just going to the grocery store.

This may not be the case for all full-time family care givers. Everyone’s situation and circumstances are different. For me, it has only been in the last few years, since my older children have grown up and left the home that it has hit hard. Do you find you are in a similar situation? Do you struggle feeling isolated? How do you keep from becoming lonely and depressed?

For me, if a few days have gone by that we have not left the house I feel myself slowly feeling isolated and sinking into depression. The longer time goes by, the harder it is to get motivated to even do a load of laundry. I have learned when I get to this point, Ryan and I load up in the van and go. It doesn’t matter where, just getting out helps. Sometimes if nothing else, we just go for a drive.

Do you know someone who is a full time care-giver for a parent, a spouse or a child? Understanding that their opportunities to get out of the house maybe limited, what can you do to show them they aren’t alone?

For me, I appreciate those few people in my life who reach out to me. Whether it be a phone call or offering to come over for a visit. Real human connection is a must; sometimes we must be creative with how that might work depending on the situation.