Your son does not meet the requirements for the clinical trial. Just like that the door was closed.
Not the outcome we had prayed and hoped for when we were
contacted 2 weeks early about Ryan possibly participating in a clinical trial
at UCLA.
All the doors were wide open or so it seemed. Just the
events leading up finding out about this opportunity seemed to say, God was
paving the way.
For the first time ever we had hope of a treatment! Even if
it was only a clinical trial they were only accepting 12 boys, nationwide and
Ryan was given this chance. We were told we needed to be at UCLA within 2
weeks. Jeff worked hard to get our van and trailer ready for the trip. Almost 2
weeks later, after 3 long, tiring days of driving we arrived in California, the
day before Ryan’s appointment.
Ryan’s first test was a pulmonary function test. We knew
they would do this one first. If he did not meet the minimal requirements of
this test then that would be it, there would be no need for further testing. He did not pass the first day, they knew he
was tired from the long drive so asked us to come back the next day.
Unfortunately the next day was the same results. The man who was running the
clinical trial told us the news, handed us some forms to sign, said he was
sorry and walked out of the room.
Ryan,
Jeff and I sat there in silence. Jeff and I didn’t dare look at each other,
knowing what we would see in each other faces. We were numb. The whole
whirlwind of events over the past 2 weeks to get us here made this moment seem
unreal. We felt for sure this was the direction God was leading us, then to
have this chance of hope be taken from us, just that quickly.
After a few minutes in silence we got to leave. Still
processing what we were just told we wandered through the Downtown UCLA area looking
for a place to eat lunch. Not really
feeling like we could eat, but not ready to get back in the van, to face the
fact that this was it, the end of a long awaited chance at hope. We fought
through the busy crowded street peaking inside the different cafes. Wondering
if we would find something that would fill the emptiness.
The wonderful smell from the Pho Vietnamese noodle cafe made
us stop to look inside. Yet we quickly realized how small it was and it would be
difficult for Ryan to get in. We started walking past when one of the
waiters opened the door and asked if we were coming in. Jeff and I tried to explain to him about Ryan
and he reassured us in broken English they would make room. We didn’t want to make a scene so we thanked
him and walked on. We wandered through
the streets for about 20 more minutes.
Still feeling like we were in a daze,
unable to even make a decision about where we were going to eat, we decided to
just head back toward our van. As we
approached the Vietnamese cafe the waiter opened the door and said, "you come inside"! He was
NOT taking no for an answer! He went in and moved tables, chairs and
even customers around, smiling and reassuring us they would make room for Ryan!
At this point, feeling like we couldn’t say no again, we walked in, thanked him
and settling into our tiny table. We picked
up the menu seeing they only offered noodle soup, knowing how hard that was for
Ryan to eat we started second guessing our decision. The waiter must have
noticed the distressed look on our faces so he marched back over to our table. He explained to us all the dishes on
the menu, then pretty much ordered his favorite for us! Okay, that decision was
made!
When our food arrived Ryan was
feeling awkward. Soup is not the easiest thing for him to eat yet he refused to
have us help him. He got so frustrated,
I was in tears watching him struggle to eat and all the reality of the day came
bubbling up. About the time I was ready to say FORGET IT, an older Vietnamese
women came over to Ryan. Not saying a word, she tied a big white dishtowel
around his neck, smiled at him, and walked back to the kitchen. This little offer of quiet kindness seemed to
say to Ryan, its okay! Make a mess, we
don’t care! We were in a tiny Vietnamese
café in the middle of downtown LA , Yet we felt watched over and cared for.
Maybe it was the warmth of the soup or the kindness of strangers yet we felt
ourselves finally able to take a moment to relax and breath.
They had no idea
the disappointment and discouragement we had been through, yet they went out of
their way to show us kindness and understanding. We felt alone wondering why
God seemed to say No to a prayer that we so desperately wanted to be a Yes. God
knew our hearts were breaking. He wanted us to know he saw us and I have no
doubt he used these people to minister much needed comfort to our family!
Do you feel alone? Do wonder if God still sees? Are you waiting for the answer to a long time
prayer? Did God give you a no to a prayer you so desperately wanted? God will
show you he cares. He will find ways to offer you hope and comfort sometimes in
the most unexpected ways. Even in the middle of Downtown LA he can used strangers
to offer a little respite. Sometimes it will be later that you are able to look
back and see specific ways he was there. Time and Perspective is a beautiful
thing!
We know God led us down to California. All the doors were
opened. The path was laid out even before we received the call. Then to have
the door close. To get a no answer to this prayer was not what we expected. God
may have said No to this prayer, but he did use this situation in an answer to
another prayer. One that I had been praying about this past summer! Part 2, An Unexpected answer to prayer, to
follow soon!
